27 Wishes for 27

For the second straight year, I have decided to release my birthday day wish list 5 days before my 27th birthday. (which happens to be my father's birthday today). The world once again, will have 5 days to comply with my demands.

1. I wish that LeBron would make a statement with the following: "I left Cleveland because they never gave me the supporting cast I needed to win there. I chose to play with 2 of my closest friends in Miami.... in the winter. I apologize for being such a dick in the way I decided to tell the world."
2. I wish that the World Cup was held every 2 years, alternating against the Olympics. Therefore, have it in 2011, 2013, 2015 an so on. There is enough hype about it to hold it that frequent.
3. I wish they put a shock collar on Roethlisberger, so I wouldn't have to worry about him anymore.
4. I wish Nancy Pelosi would resign from office and move to a remote island, never to be heard from again.
5. I still wish that drinking in public would be more socially acceptable.
6. I wish that fantasy sports wasn't so addictive. Every year I say I am not doing it the following season, but here I am researching in July again.
7. I wish I didn't notice that my hangovers were taking longer to get over as I get older.
8. I wish ice cream wasn't to goddamn addictive.
9. I wish I had some ice cream
10. I wish I had tickets to the Winter Classic.
11. I wish the Winter Classic wasn't played on New Year's Day. I am too hungover for that.
12. I wish the NFL stayed at 16 games. 18 is too many.
13. I wish the NBA, MLB and NHL regular seasons were shorter. They play their championships in the wrong weather.
14. I wish the MLB playoffs expanded to 12 teams.
15. I wish the Pirates would allow members of the public to buy into the team. Like $1,000 a pop. Then every year we could buy into it more and eventually push out the asshole owners.
16. I wish Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag would pull a Romeo & Juliet. A) I am tired of hearing about them... again. B) I have both of them in my celebrity death poll, and it would almost guarantee me a victory.
17. I wish the Super Bowl was played on a Saturday, or they made the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday.
18. I wish Always Sunny came out with new seasons more often.
19. I wish they could drop the F-bomb on cable television.
20. I wish South Park would go back to being a lot more controversial. They were funnier then.
21. I wish 99% of all commercials weren't so annoying.
22. I wish I had DVR for real life.
23. I wish Dave Chapelle would come back and be sane again.
24. I wish that the Pirates will keep Walker, McCutchen, Jones, Tabata & Alvarez and let it grow as they reach their peak in a few years. That team could be good.
25. I wish I would have been come up with the marketing gold idea of the "Twilight" series. So brilliant. (not joking)
26. I wish people would stop saying that certain celebrities are hot.
Zoe Salada: Looks like an alien
Serena Williams: Looks like a dude
Lady Gaga: Used to be a pretty girl, but seems to have aged 20 years in the last 2.
Kristen Stewert: Just plain unattractive
27. I wish "Secret Girlfriend" would come back. That show was awesome.

Thank you world. I expect these tasks to be completed by 12:00am EST on Monday, July 19th.