NFL Predictions

First I have what my actual predictions for the season are.

Playoff Predictions:

NFC
1. Dallas Cowboys
2. Green Bay Packers
3. Atlanta Falcons
4. San Francisco 49ers
5. Minnesota Vikings
6. New Orleans Saints

Wildcard
Minnesota Vikings over San Francisco 49ers
New Orleans Saints over Atlanta Falcons

Divisional
New Orleans Saints over Dallas Cowboys
Green Bay Packers over Minnesota Vikings

AFC
1. Indianapolis Colts
2. San Diego Chargers
3. Baltimore Ravens
4. New England Patriots
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
6. Miami Dolphins

Wildcard
Pittsburgh Steelers over New England Patriots
Baltimore Ravens over Miami Dolphins

Divisional
Indianapolis Colts over Pittsburgh Steelers
Baltimore Ravens over San Diego Chargers

NFC Championship Game
Green Bay Packers over New Orleans Saints

AFC Championship Game
Indianapolis Colts over Baltimore Ravens

SuperBowl
Indianapolis Colts over Green Bay Packers


Now for the fun part. This will begin my annual "NFL Awards You Didn't Know Where Actually Being Given Out": preseason addition.

Most likely to be arrested and suspended by mid-season:
Shaun Rodgers DT Cleveland Browns
Something just tells me that if you are stupid enough to bring a loaded weapon through airport security and say "you forgot", you are dumb enough to get into trouble when there is nothing else to do in Cleveland on a Monday night.
Honorable Mention: Santonio Holmes WR New York Jets (He found ways to get in trouble in Pittsburgh, imagine what he will do with 4 weeks off in New York)

Most likely to be injured for the season and screw everyones fantasy team:
Maurice Jones-Drew RB Jacksonville Jaguars
He has had a ton of touches the last few years and is will be force fed the ball early and often. He has a slightly injured knee that Jacksonville is being very shady about. But mainly, there is something about being the 3rd or 4th person drafted every year that says "f*$@ you! I'm taking the rest of the year off because my knee/hamstring/foot/ankle/vagina is going to hurt all year or will simply be destroyed. Congrats on wasting your money in your league." Michael Turner last year. Tom Brady 2 years ago. Dante Culpepper in 2005.
Honorable Mention: Frank Gore RB San Francisco 49ers (He likes being hurt)

Lockeroom most likely to implode when they are 3-5 by week 9.
Cincinnati Bengals
This was the easiest pick out of the categories. Chad Ochodoushebag, Terrell Ownly I should get the ball, Tank "small arms cache" Johnson, Cedric "I'm on a boat Mother F^#%er" Benson, and the king of them all Adam "Pacman gonna make it rain in the club because I am an idiot" Jones, are all on the same team. And that doesn't even include Chris "backseat driver" Henry. I can't wait for it to fall apart.
Honorable Mention: Dallas Cowboys (just like every year)

Most likely to leak a sex tape by mid-season:
Mark Sanchez QB New York Jets
He has been making a killing banging celebrities, and every other XX chromosome loaded thing he can find. He loves the spotlight, and New York can't get enough of him. "Hard Knocks" gave him a "Hard On" for the time he spent on camera. Why not take it into the bedroom and launch yourself into superstardom. Of yeah, you aren't a good quarterback
Honorable Mention: Matt Leinert QB Arizona Cardinal (He has nothing else to do. To be honest, I am amazed he have not seen one yet)

Most likely to be dating Kim Kardashian before end of the season:
Bart Scott LB New York Jets
With how much I have been picking the Jets, you would think I actually like them. Bart Scott got plenty of publicity from "Hard Knocks". Now Kim can make the move over to the other side of the ball after dating a RB (Bush) and WR (Austin). It will give her a chance to go out in the NY club scene constantly and become even more famous for no good reason. Also, Kim loves the dark meat.
Honorable Mention: Brandon Marshall WR Miami Dolphins (There she can work on her tan more, and hang out with Fergie)

Least Valuable Player:
Albert Haynesworth DT Washington Redskins
I really don't think I could find a more useless person on the planet to be paid as much as he is. That's it.
Honorable Mention: Jay Cutler QB Chicago Bears (Can he beat his mark of 26 this year)